Day 27 - Final Tribal Council

Congratulations. The three of you did what the rest of us couldn't. Play a ridiculous game and not get voted out. Actually hold that thought, Wendy played ridiculously and didn't get a vote against her when she left. Since everything seemed to go down the shitter since the merge, I suppose I have to find some way of enjoying tonight.

Jake - As with Ken, we had a good relationship together at Atacama but we had a swap and apparently that meant to you to ditch all prior relationships and stick 100% to your new tribe. But again, the merge does some crazy things and it appeared you were avoiding me, particularly after Wendy left. The agreement we had between our partnerships, once one of them was broken did you have no care at all to work for the three?

Apart from your interactions with me, it seemed you never took too much initiative. I only heard once about you actively going out to make a vote go the way you want and I'm not sure that was even real. Was it your plan to come off as lacking backbone and any kind of leadership qualities? Should we have voted you out when you single handedly cost us a challenge we almost came and won twice?

Right now, my vote is completely undecided so this next task is going to be an interesting one. Throughout this FTC, I've been compiling a table of points on the three of you with 6 columns: For Jake, For Ken, For Yve, Against Jake, Against Ken, Against Yve. I want you to rank these columns as to which will have the most to least points by the end of tonight (up to and including your final statements so you may want to keep this in mind). You will get 1 point for each one ranked correctly and will lose a point for each place that is off. (So for example if the one you guess as the most is actually the least, you lose 5 points) and whoever has the least negative points (because let's face it, I don't expect any of you to get things right now) by the end of it will be a greater chance at my vote. In the event two columns have the same amount, I will accept answers for both positions the tie would cover (e.g. if two tied for first, I would accept if one was picked as 2nd). I can't guarantee it but it will factor in a lot in my final decision, christ, its not like I have many other reasons to legitimately vote for any of you.

We did have a good relationship and I valued what we had together, including the cross-tribal alliance with our partners. However I think with the swap splitting us up with me alone and the three of you together kind of stopped it in it's tracks. I didn't have any contact with you or Jolanda for many rounds, although obviously I was still able to rely on it to keep me safe when Atacama & co. were being decimated- so for that I am grateful. I felt a lot closer to Atacama and I knew that since Ted didn't have a great relationship with Jill and that Yve/Chase were on the same tribe, they would have Palena connections to fall back on- meaning we would all almost be forced to stick together. Knowing that I felt closer to Atacama post-swap2 made me believe you guys felt closer to Palena after that swap, and for all I know you were going to stick with them much longer than with me. I kept up talking with you & Jolanda, but I felt like my conversations with y'all were plastic and like you could see I was just pretending to be with you so I didn't want to dig myself a hole, really.

To be fair, coming into the merge down in numbers, then finally getting some numbers only to lose the first merge vote didn't put me in a good position. I wasn't exactly able to go to Palena members and be like 'hey guys let's vote out this person'. I knew you all didn't want to spare Atacama. So if that's what you mean then I wasn't able to take initiative without being voted off. After that however, that is not true at all. I wanted Jill gone and took the initiative to eliminate her, had we had more time I would've loved to turn the vote on Russell, but there wasn't so I pushed for Jill and that's why she left. After that, Jolanda and I were in talks of "compromising" how the next few votes would go down so that her, me, tyrone & yve could be in the final four together. She listed Ken going first, but I told her that Dan/Russell needed to go first, and the fact that she wanted it to be Dan told me she was way closer with Russell. When I found my idol I went back to Jolanda and got the vote for Ken back onboard, I don't remember what I told her but it worked and I was able to idol him- I chose Russell as a target because he was a fucking rat who went back and told Jolanda everything. While I was often fake with who I wanted to vote out to people's faces to pretend like I was with them, I never sat there waiting for someone to tell me who I should vote for. I made my own decisions with that. I had allies come to me asking who to vote

If it brings you any kind of joy- there are many confessionals in which I am basically just worrying about you and Jolanda becoming too unstoppable to take down. Since the start of the merge I think- y'all made it tough for me.

I refuse to perpetuate the pro-Yve ness going on in here. I know how powerful it can be to constantly see the same thing over and over again and it can influence your own opinions, so I'm going to list them how I would like them to go. I don't want my order to be right if it's not helping me anyways. Therefore:

For Jake
Against Yve
Against Ken
For Ken
For Yve
Against Jake
"knowing" you for the time that I did, I feel like while this might factor into your decision, or simply be fore fun, I think you will base how you feel about the finalists and your final vote on how we answer the qs and represent ourselves anyways.

Yve, you were my target at the merge. You were the only person that I had never met before, and I thought it was annoying as hell that everyone loved you so much. Your "social game" that everyone went on and on about was piss poor from my perspective. You crawled right up Holly's vag and made it clear to me that you were gonna ride Holly's ass as far as you could. And you woulda been able to! Not because of your wonderful "social game," but because the players that we were dealin' with were absolute shitheads. Not a smart one in the bunch. You were a huge threat to win this game since the merge, and I saw this comin' from miles away. Does that mean you deserve my vote? Hell no it doesn't. You were a whiny bitch who had no right bein' one. But your ability to mindfuck the other players into keepin' you in the game when it was absolutely not to they benefit is makin' me consider writin' yer name down.

So answer me this question - Why should RUSSELL HANTZ, the GREATEST PLAYER OF ALL TIME, vote for such a spineless sack of shit player who woulda been booted at the final 8 in a game with no idols and smarter players?

Oh, Russell. You of all people should know that your game changes completely once you've found an idol, and plan on using it later. No idols existing in the game means it would have been a completely different one for me. I found my idol on Wed, Jan 23, 2013 around 10:30 PM EST. As soon as I found it, I immediately googled 'how to not screw up having an idol." This was truly my first time with a hidden immunity idol in any game that I've ever played, and I'm sure the way I handled it will be proof enough of that for you all.

I told Chase almost immediately that I had an idol. Mostly to ensure loyalty to me from the Vets side, in case Chase was in some kind of position of power over there. I ALMOST told Holly about it, too. Because I saw her username right beside mine when I found it, and I figured that she had uncovered the password when I did. I thought she knew, and would expose me. Turns out, she was only trying to guess the password. Thank god that happened, or I would be screwed.

Russell, I made a lot of mistakes in this game. Everyone did. But I worked hard to rebound off of them. And I KNOW that if I was idol-less in this game, I would still be in this spot. I wouldn't have been so quiet at the merge, definitely. I knew that I had one freebie under my belt, and I kind of got a little cocky about it, I admit. But I didn't have an idol from the final seven until now. Well, aside from once, but I had immunity then so it didn't really matter. No, from the final seven on, I was not in danger of getting voted out WITHOUT the use of an idol. So, based on that logic, I'm sure that I would have been just fine without it.

Also, Holly's vag was definitely too warm and inviting to pass up. Something you don't know about our friendship is how we would take turns crawling up each other's. It was pretty disgusting.

Kenny,

oh Kenny.

I saved yer ass. I flipped that vote fer you, and you owed me the world. Instead... you took my ass outta the game at the final 7. I have no idea, whatsoever, why this jury hates you so much. I've enjoyed yer conversation since the beginning of this game. Maybe it's cause I wasn't worshipping Yve's snatch like the rest of these pathetic jurors. But I do have a question for you:

In a world where Yve's bitch ass didn't find the idol, what would you have done at the final 7 to not go home?

Well it was actually Jake who found the idol that saved my ass. I did have a plan, and it was a rather complicated one I knew I was guaranteed to get Jolanda and Tyrone's votes. I was going to approach you and Dan and say since Jo and Ty will vote me, we vote for Yve and take her out. I would have approached Jake and Yve with a similar plan. Jo and Ty will probably vote for me, so if we can get you and Dan to vote for someone thinking they would go, our 3 votes could take them out. That was my plan, I doubt if it would have worked, but it would have been worth a shot

You satisfied Hantz?

I guess I'm satisfied.

Alright then, Lady J, you're up!

It has been far too long since y'all heard my voice. RUSSELL HANTZ was the star of this show, and y'all jealous bitches got me out on a night when I couldn't even defend myself - and with an idol nonetheless. I really, really wanted Tyrone ta make final tribal council - and not fer the reason you shitheads think I woulda wanted him there for. He sucked ass, and I wanted to make sure he knew that. The fact that I've had to sit in Ponderosa where people are actin' like Tyrone wasn't a total useless sack a shit has been unbearable. His ass is lucky Palena didn't lose a challenge premerge.

So Yve, I thank you for that at least. But I have many, many more reasons to hate you. Sorry you got HANTZOWNED at the final 9.



Yve, you were my target at the merge. You were the only person that I had never met before, and I thought it was annoying as hell that everyone loved you so much. Your "social game" that everyone went on and on about was piss poor from my perspective. You crawled right up Holly's vag and made it clear to me that you were gonna ride Holly's ass as far as you could. And you woulda been able to! Not because of your wonderful "social game," but because the players that we were dealin' with were absolute shitheads. Not a smart one in the bunch. You were a huge threat to win this game since the merge, and I saw this comin' from miles away. Does that mean you deserve my vote? Hell no it doesn't. You were a whiny bitch who had no right bein' one. But your ability to mindfuck the other players into keepin' you in the game when it was absolutely not to they benefit is makin' me consider writin' yer name down.

So answer me this question - Why should RUSSELL HANTZ, the GREATEST PLAYER OF ALL TIME, vote for such a spineless sack of shit player who woulda been booted at the final 8 in a game with no idols and smarter players?

Kenny,

oh Kenny.

I saved yer ass. I flipped that vote fer you, and you owed me the world. Instead... you took my ass outta the game at the final 7. I have no idea, whatsoever, why this jury hates you so much. I've enjoyed yer conversation since the beginning of this game. Maybe it's cause I wasn't worshipping Yve's snatch like the rest of these pathetic jurors. But I do have a question for you:

In a world where Yve's bitch ass didn't find the idol, what would you have done at the final 7 to not go home?


And lol @ the idea of voting fer Jake. If you insult Yve enough in yer response to this, then you might have the tiniest of chances of gettin' my vote.



Y'all bitches don't even need ta kiss my ass. In yer response to this, let me know how you really felt. This is a chance fer even the biggest of shitheads *coughJakecough* ta win my vote. Be brutally honest about me, my gameplay, whatever. Win my vote.

I'll be honest Russell the one or two times we talked pre-merge I absolutely didn't like you at all. I thought your schtick was fucking annoying, I thought you were too aggressive already and I wanted you gone so badly.

After the merge, I think my relationship with you was possibly even faker than it was w/ Holly&Jolanda in the sense that neither of us really wanted to work together, and we obviously didn't really like each other but we kept up those plastic talks. I think the fact that you weren't around a lot actually helped you, I personally didn't see you as very threatening especially compared to the rest of Palena, when in actuality you might have been the most. Holly/Jolanda were obvious threats, but I think with that, you were largely overlooked. I do think of you as Jolanda's bitch because instead of seeing that going to the end with Jolanda and Holly was a fucking ridiculous losing battle, after I talked with you about getting out Jolanda you went back and "tattled" on me. When people present you with options like that, I think you should keep them to yourself. Telling you that was probably the only thing that really sticks out to me as a mistake that I made. Jolanda lost trust in me and it got me nowhere with you. However, hiding your relationship with her was really well-done on both of your parts as it shocked me. But after that you were dead to me, and I think the most you ever meant to me was that booting you with my idol was the turning point for my alliance and actually gave us control. That's all I have to say about you, you were fun at times though

Hello everyone, how are all of you? Good? That's good.

First off, I'd like to say congratulations on making it to the final tribal council. This is a feat that all 17 of us who have been voted off before you (maybe not Jimmy T, though) wished we have accomplished, and I'm happy for the three of you to complete your goals. And I'd like to say good luck to all of you going into this vote!

Now, it's time to get down to business. I'm going to be honest, Ken, I'm not voting for you. I would have considered you as much as I'm considering voting for Jake and Yve if it wasn't for one thing. It was one little moment in the last tribal that just made me not vote for you. But it was when Tyrone was innocently joking about your little rivalry, and you responded with, "fuck you, goodbye." (Well, it wasn't exactly a fuck you, but a gif of somebody giving the finger, so that's what I counted it as). I just thought that was unnecessarily rude and not needed, especially when you are trying to get votes. Surprisingly, it wasn't all the times that you somehow backstabbed me, that I forgave all three of you for, which you may have thought. I know that backstabbing is a part of this game, but being rude to a potential vote for or against you for no reason? I just don't have any tolerance for that. You played a good game, otherwise. But, I'm real picky when it comes to voting for a winner, and when it is as close as this, I'm taking every little detail into account while casting my vote tonight.

Now, on to Jake and Yve. I have basically the same views on both of you. At one point in the game or another, I thought of both of you as a close ally to me. Also, the both of you put a knife in my back, which, as I said in my little bitchfit to Ken, I have forgiven all of you for, because I realize that it is part of the game. From what I could see, both of you played very fake games, to me at least. I thought of both of you as allies and friends that I actually wanted to take into the F3 with me (not at the same time, though). I guess you didn't need my help in getting there, though. So, enough rambling and repeating myself. I just have a simple question for the both of you. Jake and Yve, why should I, Jolanda, vote for you over the other person? What did you do better than them?

Also, I have a random question for the three of you. It's not gonna determine my vote, but I just want to know. What have the three of you PMd about since Tyrone's departure from this game? I mean, it's the final 3, and you can't strategize anymore. I'm just curious, what did you talk about? :P

Ok that's it for me! Thanks to the three of you, and I'll be happy no matter which one of you wins! Congrats again and see you on the other side! :)

That gif of Molly Ringwald was also meant as a joke, though :/ I was just having fun with him in the same way he was having fun with me.

I assumed it was, it just came off as kinda rude. :/

Hello everyone, how are all of you? Good? That's good.

First off, I'd like to say congratulations on making it to the final tribal council. This is a feat that all 17 of us who have been voted off before you (maybe not Jimmy T, though) wished we have accomplished, and I'm happy for the three of you to complete your goals. And I'd like to say good luck to all of you going into this vote!

Now, it's time to get down to business. I'm going to be honest, Ken, I'm not voting for you. I would have considered you as much as I'm considering voting for Jake and Yve if it wasn't for one thing. It was one little moment in the last tribal that just made me not vote for you. But it was when Tyrone was innocently joking about your little rivalry, and you responded with, "fuck you, goodbye." (Well, it wasn't exactly a fuck you, but a gif of somebody giving the finger, so that's what I counted it as). I just thought that was unnecessarily rude and not needed, especially when you are trying to get votes. Surprisingly, it wasn't all the times that you somehow backstabbed me, that I forgave all three of you for, which you may have thought. I know that backstabbing is a part of this game, but being rude to a potential vote for or against you for no reason? I just don't have any tolerance for that. You played a good game, otherwise. But, I'm real picky when it comes to voting for a winner, and when it is as close as this, I'm taking every little detail into account while casting my vote tonight.

Now, on to Jake and Yve. I have basically the same views on both of you. At one point in the game or another, I thought of both of you as a close ally to me. Also, the both of you put a knife in my back, which, as I said in my little bitchfit to Ken, I have forgiven all of you for, because I realize that it is part of the game. From what I could see, both of you played very fake games, to me at least. I thought of both of you as allies and friends that I actually wanted to take into the F3 with me (not at the same time, though). I guess you didn't need my help in getting there, though. So, enough rambling and repeating myself. I just have a simple question for the both of you. Jake and Yve, why should I, Jolanda, vote for you over the other person? What did you do better than them?

Also, I have a random question for the three of you. It's not gonna determine my vote, but I just want to know. What have the three of you PMd about since Tyrone's departure from this game? I mean, it's the final 3, and you can't strategize anymore. I'm just curious, what did you talk about? :P

Ok that's it for me! Thanks to the three of you, and I'll be happy no matter which one of you wins! Congrats again and see you on the other side! :)

ty Jolanda, I'm glad to hear that
There was something that just really inherently intimidating about you, while we both had our own agendas when speaking to each other (which is what I meant by the convos being "plastic") I liked you as a person, you are someone I'm sure I will be friends with when this is over, for what it's worth. And had we never been separated or had we come back together after the first swap, then I think that our relationship would be a lot stronger, and you would probably take the place of Yve or Ken in my circle of close allies. As I think I said before, I honestly saw you as my biggest competition- you were the head of the dragon Jolanda. I couldn't let you get to the final six with Tyrone, Dan, Russell in your pocket, because that would be handing you the win, and while I'd be happy for you cuz you rocked it, I couldn't sit back and let that happen. I wish I could have put more trust into what you were saying, but I couldn't with the circumstances.

Something Yve did better than me obvi must be making people like her. I tried to have personal relationships with all of you, but it was just tiring trying to keep up with people who didn't fit into my plans (Jill, Russell, Dan). I was friendly with everyone, but perhaps it wasn't enough and people could see through how fake I sometimes had to be.

Yve & PM'ed about how it was interesting that we both separately voted Tyrone off for the same reason- something we've actually done several times. We just think similarly. I sent a congratulatory message to the two of them, and we talked about how we would be happy with any of us winning, but that we expect to get destroyed my some of the jury statements

Now, on to Jake and Yve. I have basically the same views on both of you. At one point in the game or another, I thought of both of you as a close ally to me. Also, the both of you put a knife in my back, which, as I said in my little bitchfit to Ken, I have forgiven all of you for, because I realize that it is part of the game. From what I could see, both of you played very fake games, to me at least. I thought of both of you as allies and friends that I actually wanted to take into the F3 with me (not at the same time, though). I guess you didn't need my help in getting there, though. So, enough rambling and repeating myself. I just have a simple question for the both of you. Jake and Yve, why should I, Jolanda, vote for you over the other person? What did you do better than them?

Jolanda, I want to start by addressing what you said about us backstabbing you. At no point in the game did I actually intend on voting you out, but I did it anyway. And I'm sorry. I just want you to know that it was in no way personal. When the final five alliance was you/me/Russell/Holly/Tyrone, I was being completely honest about it. For the first time in the game, I wasn't just being told who to vote for. No, I was finally with a group of people that I cared about, who cared enough about me to have me in a majority alliance. Holly and I discussed the possibility of booting you at some point, but I don't think I would have had the stomach for it if things didn't eventually go down the way they did.

The proof of my loyalty to you all comes down to one point: I voted for Ken with all of you the round Holly left. You voting for Jill and not against me, even when everyone was going to do it, meant THE WORLD to me, Jolanda. As soon as that Tribal council was over, I went to you and Tyrone. Do you remember what I said to you? I said that no matter what, it was going to be the three of us in the end. You helped me forgive Russell, something that was much harder for me to do than you, even though you were just as affected by it. After the Holly blindside, I had every intention to make the voting order Ken/Dan/Jake/Russell with you/me/Tyrone. Even if it was going to be a hard Final tribal council sitting next to you, it would have been a worthy and challenging one. It's always more fun with a challenge (remember how excited I was when it was between me and Wendy Jo for the purple rock? I love that stuff!)

But Jake had the idol, and he was going to use it on you. I thought that if I pushed too hard, he would use it on me instead. Especially after how much I had been gushing about you all round. So, I went along with his vote. When you won the challenge, I was thrilled. It was one of the few times post-idol that I outright didn't try to win a challenge. Not that I had a chance anyway.

So why should you vote for me over Jake? Well, it's simple. When I was in a position of power with an idol, I never targeted you. I could have. You had a vote, just like Jill. If I had voted for you, it would have been a tie between you and Jill, and the rest of the cast would have had to decide. When Jake had an idol, you were at the top of his list. You and I not being here is because Holly was blindsided and Jake had an idol. I had to work around both game-changers to keep myself safe, and that meant losing you. I'm sorry for voting you out as your friend; but I'm content with it, as a strategist. And I'm very thankful for your forgiveness.

Also, I have a random question for the three of you. It's not gonna determine my vote, but I just want to know. What have the three of you PMd about since Tyrone's departure from this game? I mean, it's the final 3, and you can't strategize anymore. I'm just curious, what did you talk about? :P

We've mostly just congratulated each other and talked about what we're going to do post-game. I'd love to have the same conversation with most of you, too.

I just don't conduct myself very seriously sometimes I was pretty immature during Holly's boot as well. I didn't have to say a lot of what I did then, either. I knew she was going and was just stirring the pot for the lol's

I just have a simple question for the both of you. Jake and Yve, why should I, Jolanda, vote for you over the other person? What did you do better than them?

idk how to read. I think you, Jolanda, should vote for me because I believe we had a mutual respect for each other. When it was down to the final 7, it was you and I who were in talks about which people from "our sides" should we sacrifice so that we fairly get to the final 4 together. Almost as if we were both leading two different groups. While I was fake in some of my plans with you I think we had a genuine relationship and I honored you enough to tell you that you were going (idk if the other two did as well but w.e.)

Ok I'm satisfied Probsty! Thanks guys and good luck to the three of you! :D

Oh we don't have a host here, this is awkward....

I suppose I should answer the last part of your question to all 3 of us, Jo. We have all been circle jerking and congratulating ourselves on a job well done.

Thanks Jo!

Alright next up is Dan!

16th Voted Out and 8th Member of our Jury... Dan
That's 3 thats enough, you need to bring me your torch


[As Dan enters wearing an expensive Armani suit imported from Italy straight to the Patagonian Ponderosa, complete with his Versace loafers and the softest linens as use for his tie and handkerchief. His hair is slicked back to perfection and he faces the jury humbly.]

Congratulations Yve, Jake and Ken - the projected final three because of ignoring people, multiple hidden immunity idol plays, dumbass moves by people in the majority and ignoring others PMs! Let's have a moment of applause.

[silence]

Yeah, exactly. You guys all were pretty horrible in the game, but you know what? You've done something that us nine standing here have not done, and that was survive the votes, make it to the final three and never get voted out. The way you done that wasn't practical, was a little sketchy and of course had flaws, but people in glass houses should not throw stones. Right now, despite how we played the game and interacted with one another, you are all on an equal level playing field to me. What you've done in the game is moot now, because its all about how you sell it. You could've made the most amazing moves in the game, but if you don't sell it to me, then it's NOTHING. Right now is your time to shine, and I don't want you guys to be pussy with one another now. You always had the gall to talk about the others in PMs and then never vote them out and rat me out to them when I wanted them out, but now is your time (Ken) to talk about Yve like you always have, now is your chance (Yve) to call Jake a coattail riding loser in public. I'm not here for bullshit, I'm not here for asskissing. You guys all know that through the game I was an honest and up front guy, I was always honest about my vote, how I was playing the game and who my allegiance was to. You better fucking respect that.

I have a few words for each of you. But your general question is - Berate the other two on why they don't deserve to be here. Don't use the word I.

Yve, you annoyed the hell out of me from the start with playing dumb to the rest of the tribe, and while everybody wanted to invite you to the alliance I was adamantly against it, given that these tribes were switched from the start, I didn't encounter you until the merge where I knew you were smart and you were crafty, but others had so many plans to do that they couldn't see that you were straddling both sides. You used this to own the game, but you couldn't have done it without hidden immunity idols, you know that, I know that, the entire jury knows that. You managed to grab those guys, Ken and Jake, by their penises and drag them to the end of the game with you, which I applaud, but you got that through what, primarily twists and ignoring PMs from people? It was never a round go by where I would constantly send you a PM and you'd respond lackadaisically and I would start round after round to try to talk to you, but you had never had the thought occur to you that I wanted to possible flip and discuss some game, so you distanced yourself as far as possible from me, so what graces was that good social game? Elaborate on how your strategic and physical game should override your lack of a social game.

Jake, meeting you for the first time at the merge, you were the nicest person ever, you let it straight to me about the vote until the round I was going, where you gave me some false hope and decided to ignore me for the rest of the voting period and run back to your mother Yve that I wanted her gone, but whatever. You were never really a driving force, everybody saw you as UTR and you were a coattail rider, even your alliances said that about you (I'm waiting for the bullshit where they ignore this though). You were not a great PMer but you at least had the decency for us to have a conversation between a few rounds, but you also didn't consider me strategically despite me trying my best to include you in any plans and try to work out an alliance. Tell me one strategic move you made - not one that Yve made, not one that Ken made, not one that all three of you made. But one that YOU, Jake made. Post merge please.

Ken you are one of the worst players I've ever encountered but you can defend yourself and earn my vote right here. You've earned points tonight by not bullshitting me on my boot episode and not giving me false hope - unlike the other two, you kept it real but you never kept it good. I saw right through you and you were the only one I was really on a tribe with pre-merge for longer than a round so by statistics, I've spent the most time with you and you used that time to get to know me and integrate yourself to Palena to ignore us all and solidify yourself to be the boot if we lost an immunity challenge (which we didn't.) I don't understand that, you were the odd man out and I went out of my way several times to try to get to you, talk to you, form something with you but again, as did your three alliance mates, you gave me the cold shoulder. Elaborate on your social game and the connections you made with everybody. List each juror and one nice thing about them that you got to know.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA KEN HAVE TO SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT ME!